After a lengthy separation, when our divorce had been filed, papers served, Ed came back for an extended visit. Maybe, we thought, just maybe, we could still make this relationship work. Maybe it wasn't too late. I am told that lots of divorcing couples go through this "let's give it one more try" kind of thing.

Strangely, Thom did not seem to understand. He had been so patient before — far more patient with me than I had been with myself — but now he seemed noticeably impatient, even irritated. I thought that I might know what was bothering him, but I wasn't sure. You see, I was back under the spell of my long time, controlling, abusive "friend," Ed.

Thom always emphasizes that every moment is an opportunity to begin recovery. If you drop the ball, pick it right back up and keep moving. He told me that my relapse (that's what he called Ed's and my reunion) could end at any moment, that it was my choice. Much like when I had first begun to work with Thom, I could hear him talking, but I wasn't really too sure what he was saying. He seemed to think that I could simply make the choice to get up and walk away from Ed. He just didn't seem to understand. I wondered what had happened to the patient, understanding and wise therapist. This new version of Thom was beginning to get on my nerves.

In response to an E-mail I sent him, Thom wrote, "Do you want me to help you end this relapse today — right now? No is an acceptable answer, so think about it. If you say yes, I want you to agree to follow my instructions without arguing with me." For some reason Thom was thinking that I had become stubborn lately. Like I said, I wasn't sure what was wrong with him lately.

I thought about his offer, and to my surprise (Thom told me later that he wasn't surprised), I said no. I turned down his offer to help me get away from Ed. After three years, after lots of hard work, and after amazing success in recovery from my eating disorder, I was right back in it, as if I had never even left. Jenni and Eddie sittin' in a tree, K - I - S - S - I - N - G.

Something finally got my attention. It was how horrible my life had become after only seven days with Ed. Getting back together with him was pure misery, and almost instantly so. I didn't have energy to write or sing; I couldn't think straight at work; and I had no desire to be with any of my friends.

I could feel Ed smirking. "Just like old times," he said.

Ed consumed all of my time and all of my energy. There was nothing left for me or anyone else. Maybe it was too late to make it work with Ed. He would never admit it, but try as I might, I could not successfully throw away all of the good recovery that I had experienced.

The next morning I sent Thom an E-mail with a very simple message: "Okay. I'm here. Instruct."