I’m going crazy, I thought as I grabbed a cookie out of the trashcan during an out-of-control binge at 22-years-old. Who does that? I wondered, absolutely disgusted with myself. Unfortunately, my solution to end the confusing and chaotic relationship that I had with food turned into: just don’t eat. Of course, this misguided tactic failed miserably and set me up for more intense and prolonged binges, and then, ultimately, for purging.
Fast-forward 15 years, and I’m on the phone with my therapist, curled up in a ball crying, saying those words again, I’m going crazy.
I was describing — not a binge — but an uncontrollable exaggerated startle response that seemed to activate without warning. Who does that? I asked myself. My whole body would jump as if someone had walked up from behind and scared me — only no one was there.
Our struggles change our brains
In the scenarios described above, I felt like my body was being taken over by an outside force. I thought I was losing my mind. Today, I know the truth: neurobiologically, my brain was hijacked.
To continue reading, please click here for the original post on Eating Recovery Center’s blog.
